15.) No where else can you hear Alec Baldwin praise the Republican party, big business, and George W. Bush

14.) John Richmond’s super awesome music. It makes me think of big band music, the Muppets, Broadway and Mozart…all at the same time.

13.) Two words: Shark. Week.

12.) The real world atmosphere of the show. Who hasn’t known someone like Jenna, Tracy, Jack and, of course, Frank?

11.) It’s a show that I can watch over and over again and still laugh. 

10.)  Where else can you hear quotes like this:

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It’s after six. What am I, a farmer?

Or this

Jack: Gosh, I hope you got a picture of that with a camera on your beeper.
Dennis: Actually, my beeper doesn’t have a camera; but it does have a pedometer. Actually, not this one.

How about this?

Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I’m straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

See? They are just really clever, original, and just plain funny.

9.) It made/makes me laugh whenever I need a pick me up. It was something that brought a smile back to my face when I thought I couldn’t smile anymore.

8.) Kenneth Parcell.

7.) Liz is a perfect example of liberal hypocrisy

6.) Original

5.) Dr. Leo Spaceman — “What can you do? Medicine isn’t a science.”

4.) The fact that NBC has a show on it’s network about NBC is just mind blowing. And hilarious.

3.) Toufer is really really REALLY hot.

2.) Judah Friedlander is everything I do NOT want in a boyfriend/husband but I still love him with an undying passion

1.) 

I am Liz Lemon. When she said that “I just want to jump into a relationship, twelve years into it, where you can just goof on TV shows and go to bed without anyone trying any funny business,” I nearly peed myself because that is more or less what I have said. Also, the way Jack described her in the Pilot episode (“educated, overscheduled, undersexed, single and trying to act like they are happy that way…” is me to a T)

If you haven’t seen 30 Rock, stop reading right now and run to the nearest Best Buy, FYE, or Wal-Mart and buy the first season. You could watch it on Hulu but believe me, you will want to have the hard copy for future viewing.

If you know me or have been following this blog (all two of you), then you will know that I have a high-functioning form of Attention-Decifit Disorder. Most days I can control it with my medication and therapy tips from my psychologist, some days I’m just crazy. Haha.

But this is actually a practical post. If you or someone you know struggles with ADHD or ADD, then introduce them to a wonderful thing called the Internet. Serious. It has changed my life.

How can the Internet help those with ADHD/ADD:

1.) Online banking — everything is right there. You have no idea how frustrating it is for those of us with ADHD/ADD to have to remember all the fine details when it comes to banking. For example, writing down every purchase…not going to happen. We forget, get into too much of a hurry, or make a mistake in the writing down process. This is no excuse of course, but if you know that you have a weakness then you need to use all the tools necessary from keeping you from succumbing to that weakness. Hence, online banking works wonders. I can go on there everyday, see what transactions have been posted, which ones are still pending, and how much is in your savings, loans, etc. You can also transfer funds from checking into savings, or vice versa…which means that the ADHD/ADD person doesn’t have to plan and/or schedule ANOTHER errand in their otherwise hectic day. They can do it from their desk at work, their iPhone or their home computer while completing other tasks as well.

2.) Online shopping – the store without all the overwhelming stimuli. If you are like me, walking into a store with people milling about, clothing in disarray, and most of the time, general confusion throughout the store, it can be extremely overwhelming. If you haven’t already come with a list of what you want/need, then you will wandering around aimlessly throughout the clothes store as you try to arrange outfits or get the needed basics. I have counteracted this by doing three things: shopping with my fashion savvy friend, shopping at mid-day (less customers and they have had enough time to organize the store a little better), and, something I just discovered, online shopping. I actually prefer this because a.) it’s less overwhelming, and b.) I can find the exact size, the exact color and the exact style without having to rummage through assorted racks or tables. It’s perfect. You go online to your favorite store. Find the items that you need or want, find your size (and for someone at 5′9, it’s fantastic to find TALLS in the cute styles) and then checkout. It’s that simple. Plus, you cut down on the impulse purchases because you know exactly what you want without other distracting items.

Online Bill Pay – This has been a God-send to those who deal with ADHD/ADD. You can schedule your automatic payments (which cut down on late-fees) or you can just pay it yourself w/o the hassle of stamps, envelopes, checks, etc. Which for someone who has ADHD, if you can streamline a process and create FEWER steps for the person then you will have a much better chance of success then if you don’t. With regular bill pay you have to

*remember to NOT lose the bill statement 

*remember the actual date

* remember to buy stamps

* remember to NOT  lose the envelope and if you do lose the envelope you have to get one of your own envelopes which means you have to remember to buy envelopes or remember where the envelopes are.

All these steps seem pretty elementary, but if you have ever been in the brain of an ADHD/ADD person it overwhelms them to the point of tears. For me, my problem started with LOSING the bill.  Of course, you should always put them in a certain location and always remember to put them in that location BUT if you have been struggling with losing the bill month after month after month then your system is NOT working and you have to evaluate what you are doing. Just because another ADHD/ADDer’s trick or tip works for them doesn’t meant that it will work for you. (Even online banking, shopping or bill pay…if it doesn’t work for you, find something that does) But I digress, online bill pay can immensely help the ADHD/ADDer who struggles with the rudimentary steps in paying bills.

In conclusion, if you struggle with ADHD/ADD then you should find ways that will help you. No matter what they are. If people look at you weird because of your tips or tricks for success, don’t worry about it. You have to do what is right for you. Technology is a great assest, in my opinion. Check it out. See if I am right.

Because laughter is the best medicine and I do plenty of laughing in my day-to-day life. This whole weekend was like that for me. Sometimes I really enjoy being an introverted personality type because I can observe the things that are going on around me and can easily connect them to current activities, also some of the weirdest stuff happens to me.

I was talking to my friend, Joseph, the other night, and I have mentioned to him before that some of the most randomest/weirdest people find me and some of the oddest things happen to me. He has usually just nodded his head and smiled whenever I say that but last Friday night, he stopped, looked me dead in the eye and said

 ”You know what? You are so right. The randomest crap happens to you and your life always seems to have interesting people attracted to it. Most people, whenever they claim that they are random or weird things happen to them aren’t really serious or honest but I have hung out with you enough to KNOW that it is all true. And the thing is YOU don’t even look for it…it just seems to happen.”

For example, ten minutes later, we walked into the India Shoppe/Store just to check it out and see what it was. The guy at the counter, a left-over hippie from the 60s, stared at me and asked “Do you have a sister in California.” Now, my parents have never been past Texas, my mom was never knocked up, and, though contrary to EVERYONE who says I have a twin running around in Trussville, Alabama, I do not. So I merely smiled at the guy and said “Nope.” That same night, a lady had stopped me and asked me if I had been the Greek dancer the night before at the Greek Festival. ”Negative,” I replied. Then, I also have all my patrons. Just a second ago this guy was complaining about the bathrooms being locked (they always are), and this other guy wanted me to find him an obituary that HE HAD BEEN STARING AT FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES!!! And then he wanted me to reorganize the messy newspaper that he had messed up…most people would get really mad at this kind of behavior (and I have to admit that I do) BUT most of the time I just have to laugh because it is SO ridiculous.

And anyway, since I choose to laugh and see the funny side to situations, I think that makes me a better person…a more positive person…maybe, a more joyful person. And that’s what is the best thing, to experience true joy and I know where that joy comes from: Jesus Christ. I might not be the best example for Jesus Christ but I do know that the joy that gives me the strenghth to literally “laugh” in the face of trials, tribulations and other tough things that have happened in my life I would be a very bitter person

P.S. My coworker just told me what the guy who wanted the obituary is really doing. What this guy does is he goes through all the obituaries and the African-American ones, he copies and then goes and crashes the funerals and gets lots of food because African-Americans serve LOTS of food at their funerals. So he doesn’t even know these people, reads their obits, goes to their funerals, acts like he knows them and eats the food. Wow.

Unrequited love sucks. Really it is the worst. Wait, okay, let me rephrase because it is not technically “love,” it’s more of a “if you liked me it would make my life so much easier because I know you are perfect for me but no you don’t like me and now I have to start all over again and try to find someone who compares to you. Which you know what, it’s kinda of hard to find that.”

I’m not angry, I’m not even really sad. I’m just frustated because he is so sweet, kind, considerate, and everything really I would want in a future partner but it will never happen. That’s kinda of depressing.

Oh, well. In other news, I got an iPhone.

Since this spring, I have been going through a whole range of emotions. It varies between anger, fear, rejection, bittersweet sadness, happiness, excitement, determination and simply confusion. Why do I feel this way? Lots of reasons. How do I handle these feelings? Usually just watch 30 Rock to console myself that there are successful women (Liz Lemon) out there who DON’T have it all together, and can’t make it all work.

In other news, someone gave me a great compliment today. He said my butt looks good and that he wish that he had spent more time with me before moving back home so that he could know what he was missing out on now. And sent me an electronic kiss. It kinda of reminded me of the episode of Will and Grace (7th Season; Episode: Will & Grace & Nadine & Vince) when Kristin Davis guest stars as Nadine, the best friend of Vince who is Will’s boyfriend (confused, yet?) She confesses to Grace that she not only platonically loves her best friend, Vince, but is IN love with her best friend and maybe if she gets Will out of the picture then Vince will realize that he is actually in love with her. To which Grace replies: “YOU WILL NEVER HAVE HIM” (which is hard to hear) BUT Grace (having many more years of experience over Nadine) advises her that what she really wants is someone who will grab her a** in the subway and it not be an accident. Or someone who likes what is underneath the Gucci shirt instead of the Gucci shirt itself. In the closing scene, Vince and Will and Grace are waiting for Nadine to show up with Vince gets a text (or phone call, I don’t remember) from Nadine that says that she was going home with a man who grabbed her a** on the subway. To which Grace replies: “She’s going to make it” I laugh everytime because even though I do not support random hook-ups or even sex before marriage, I do believe that women want to have a man physically desire them not only emotionally desire them (which a lot of gay men do…another complicated situation.) I’m not about to date the first guy that whistles at me on the street but it does feel good when they do whistle.

I love 30 Rock (but I think I’ll have to make another blog entry for that)

Today, has been a really tough day. I’m feeling very unattractive, fat, dumb and uninformed. I really have a problem comparing myself to other people; my irrational nature is yelling at me and my rational self is trying to grab the reigns. I’m freaking out cause I am scared that I will never get married because I am weird, over-analyze, overly-sensitive, slightly neurotic, and kinda of still live in dream world. And I have been reading all this information about how Christian guys don’t date any more and all this depressing stats about how Christian women never find love.

I want ice cream.

So today was interesting. I was in Tennessee and driving home when I get a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. I can’t even express what happened so I’m just going to write out my texts.

Random #:What’s Up?

Me: Who is this?

R #: Jackie

Me: Jackie Clay?

R #: Jackie Barton

Me: How did you get this number?

R #: I can’t remember

Me: How did you find it?

R #: Well, i had this number written on a slip of paper

Me: This has to be a prank. Who is this? Because my last name is Barton

R #: That’s weird

Me: Why did you text someone you didn’t know?

R #: I wanted to know who you were

Me: Ok…ay?

R #: Oh. Cool. So, I’m really bored. Can we talk?

Me: Are you a guy or girl?

R#: Girl. But, I go for both.

Me: Ah, sorry, I’m not.

R#: Haha. I have a gf right now.

Me: Cool.

R #: Sorry. I meant to type guy. That was a type-o.

Me: Oh, so you are a guy? With the name Jackie?

R #: That’s a nickname.

Me: Great.

R #: So, what do you go for?

Me: Uh, I’m sorry?

R #: If you’re not bi, what are you?

Me: Very straight.

R #: Oh. Cool. Are you currently in a relationship.

Me: Yeah. His name is Joseph.

R #: Cool. My gf’s name is shawna.

Me: Cool. I really love Joseph — He is my soulmate.

R #: Same with shawna. We have so much chemistry. When we make love, fireworks!

R #: Is it the same with Joseph?

Me: We are waiting for marriage to have sex but our chemistry is great and we love being with each other. And really you have no business asking me those questions…bored or not.

R#: Sorry! Geez. Didn’t think it was that big a deal.

*I stop texting at this point*

R #: Shawna is amazing.

Me: Great. So is Joseph.

R #: Yeah.

*No response*

R #: I’m soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored.

Me: Sorry. Read a book. Watch a movie

*No response*

You can’t make this stuff up. It’s all true.

Uh-oh, I’m starting to beat myself up. You wanna know why? Cause I am not an injured artist, an introspective tortued writer or a misunderstood musician. Instead, I am a fairly typical, lighthearted, and myriad thought librarian who just writes this blog to get my thoughts out. I can’t play an instrument, my photography sucks, and don’t even look at my other attempts at “creativity.” My creativity comes out in my film production (but I just do that for fun not a way to express my soul.) I don’t spend countless hours listening to indie, deep and obscure music. I would much rather listen to a book on tape than listen to music that I don’t understand or I don’t know the words to. And I would rather watch TV or a movie than go to a concert or art gallery exhibt. And I don’t have any money to spend on a road trip to “find myself.” That just seems stupid and a waste of time and money, if you just go on a road trip to nowhere. Thank you, but I much prefer a planned expedition.
But, unfortunately, most of my friends
seem to be geared towards the artistic, creative personality. I just can’t feel bad because I am not this way.

Why do patrons feel the need to make fun of my inability to do math in my head? Someone laughed at me because I didn’t know what fifteen cents times twenty-five was without using a calculator. Do people laugh at those who can’t read very well? Who can’t write very well? No! Why laugh at people who can’t do math w/o a calculator, pen or paper or a cheat sheet? It doesn’t seem very fair that they act like you are less of a human or less smart because you have mental road blocks concerning numbers or figures.

If people knew how hard I tried with math, they would not laugh at my neccessity to use a calculator or pen and paper. If they knew the two -three hours that I spent with my mom hunched over my math books for five years, many days ending with me in tears and my poor mother frustrated with my inability to stop miscalculating simple arthimetic problems. I have learned to live with it. Because of my less than perfect math knowledge, my ACT wasn’t as high as it could have been even though my English and Reading sections were in the 30s. In college, I failed my first math test and promptly dropped the class. The next time around I cried during the quiz because I did not understand the concept and my fear of messing up a “simple” problem. I then dropped that class. Finally, I had to take a summer class of math just so that I could get my math credit. I had to sit on the edge of my seat, study everynight, and calculate and recalculate my work…and I still only made a B. But thankfully my teacher was really good and made it seem easy and understandable. But I have not returned to a math class since I plan to never take another one.
Since I was a history major and now librarian, I don’t have to deal with math aside from the everyday dealings. Thankfully, they have calculators to help me with my checkbook balancing and cheat sheets help me at work. I will always be weak at math. Something in my brain transposes numbers, almost like dyslexia in math. I’ve sucked it up and struggled through it but it’s been hard.
So that’s why, when people, especially people who don’t know me, make fun or ridicule my inability to do “simple” math problems w/o a calculator it makes me mad. They would never dare make fun of someone who had trouble sounding out words, or who read poorly. Or someone who couldn’t write well. But it seems like it is a big joke when it comes to people who can’t do math. Like it’s the person’s fault that they can’t get pass certain problems or that they forget what 9+5 is. Or they chalk it up to “this generation’s inability to do math because they have always used a calculator.” Well, guess what? I never used a calculator on a regular basis until college.
Maybe we need to start raising awareness for math illiteracy.

Over a month ago, I was not in a good place. I was angry with the world, I was angry with God, I was angry with my friends. And I was angry with myself. But you know what, God has given me a month of healing and restoration. In just the past few days, God has taught me that I have lived my life too much in the shadow of fear. Always fearing some major diaster or minor heartache. Or fearing that I will anger Him and feeling guilty about how I couldn’t possible live up to His demanded perfection. Instead of strengthing a relationship and focusing on Him as the Lover of my soul and my close and intimate Friend, I have viewed Him as an angry judge who was waiting for me to mess up.
So He has definitely become my best friend.