My favorite topic in my favorite place

So me and my bestie (aka my “Will”) were dining at our favorite place: Taco Bell. And the conversation turned to my favorite subject– myself, but more specifically, how I have changed in the past year and a half.

I don’t know if has to do with working in the “real” world, graduating, my therapy, or my anti-depressent medication (*shhh…* don’t tell) but I have really changed in the past year and a half.

Like, I used to be this really uptight, stressed, and anxious individual. Now (or at the present), I am completely relaxed and content with my life.

You see, last spring I was completely wrapped up in this guy. We were best friends and I had fallen in a deep infatuation with him. At the time, I thought it was love but I’ve come to realize that it was just an infatuation which shouldn’t have consumed me like it did.

I didn’t really have a difficult semester last spring, so I used the time that I should have put into other areas and interests and made my world revolve around this person and making him (I’ll call him “Jim”) like me. Well, he viewed me as his best friend but nothing else. And to make matters worse, he was in love with another girl for half the semester and then started dating another girl, one of my best friends.

My poor friends. They had to put up with a lot of crap from me during that time. I was so obsessed with this boy. It was ridiculous. I really made myself depressed and so stressed out, that I just needed to take the summer and get away.

This summer was the best thing for me. It made me address my stress and anxiety in ways that I never imagined.

God gave me an amazing opportunity and blessing in disguise by having me suffer some panic attacks symptoms and rapid pulse (it sounds more dangerous than it actually was) But it was enough to drive me to the doctor and my psychologist. They ran EKGs, changed medication, and then finally asked me what my home, family and social life was like.

Everything just came out. I was working three jobs, living in an apartment with my family, family was still crazy, I felt like I was losing control, and on top of all that, they decided that my ADHD medication was aggravating my already natural tendency to have a high pulse rate and anxiety. Some people are just like that. Well, my doctor told me that they could put me on some Zoloft to take care of the physical problem and to help balance my ADHD medication (this was after I was off of it for about a month and my heart rate was still too high and rapid) Anyway, even with the Zoloft, the doctor told me to talk to my psychologist. And that really REALLY helped. It just seemed that everything started to make sense and the things I used to worry about didn’t seem to worry me as much.

Got back to school with a new attitude. I’m not as insecure as I used to be. Oh, yeah, I have my days…heck my months, but I’ve come to point where I can literally push that out of my head and simply say “hey, if someone doesn’t like this about me, well, tough cookies for them.” 

And not to brag, it really has paid off. I’ve become more confident without make-up, talk to more guys and can handle their craziness, I’m not as intense and definitely more relax. I know how to play a situation and am comfortable with my life.

And now that I am in a new school and a new social set it can only get better.

Peace out!